10 Keys to Gaining Liberal Votes if You are a Republican or Conservative.

Here is a quick lesson for right-wing or conservative politicians American or Canadian, on how to win liberal votes.

Before you read this know there is a degreee of Sarcasm in these as I am a Liberal (except the last line).

1. Avoid stereotypes these work well on rednecks they tend to anger Liberals.

a. When referring to Jewish people don’t tell them how much you respect the way they manage money. To a Liberal this sounds like “you money grubbing Jews like to save a nickle.”

2. Avoid trying to sound like a person of the people especially in a place like Harlem

a. Using the N word to sound chummy does not work if you are a White or Black politician. Saying “my nigga” as white man can be taken as a throwback to slavery.

3. Avoid the use of right-wing buzz words.

a. Talking about the nanny-state might impress a good-ole-boy but it tends to make a Liberal think you’re all for legalising Uzi’s and protecting wife abusers.

4. If there are any incriminating joke photos of you out there you may as well not run for office.

a. Liberals are great at finding images that can undermine your character and if you are reading a book to school children when you are photographed remember to keep it the right way up.

5. Never refer to anyone as an instrument of the Devil.

a. Plain and simple many Liberals don’t believe in the Devil an shocker of shockers some don’t even beleive in God. This will bring up things such as witch trials and the inquisition (modern verision = the House Committee on Un-American Activities)

6. Never defend large corporations over the people.

a. The best way to deal with this is to always talk about business with business people and democracy with the people. Never confuse the two. The people are most often bored with business and business does not give a crap about democracy unless it supports what they want.

7. Always remember women are powerful and smart not beautiful and nurturing.

a. A Liberal woman can be your worst enemy. Why ? Because most Liberal women are Liberal by choice and most Liberal men are Liberal because Daddy was.

8. Never quote a source that comes from a strongly Conservative Media source.

a. Learn which are which and try to quote out of a middle or the road one. Quoting Glen Beck, the Frazer Institute or the American Enterprise Institute For Public Policy Research makes most Liberals want to puke.

9. Try not to accidentally shoot your running mate in a hunting accident.

a. It’s bad enough that you are out there killing things but to show you’re clumsy at it is never good.

10. Lastly always embrace diversity

a. If your son, daughter, nephew, Niece, cousin, second cousin, or your son’s half sister’s ex-roommate was gay, tell everyone about it.

All that said, the best way for a Conservative politician
to convince a Liberal he is intelligent enough to vote for is to
Sit Down and Shut Up.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s