A Very Tardy Public Apology

Sorry this isn’t political but rather the coward’s way of affecting an apology publicly as my offence was public.

How to repair the damage caused by hurt feelings !

One of the problems I find I have with being outspoken is that occasionally I tend to unwittingly hurt peoples feelings and the same has at times happened to me, as at times I have taken criticism personally especially if I consider it petty or unwarranted and sometimes I get this wrong.

Some opinions we express in our respective blogs and emails are taken as more emphatic then were intended and thus an unintended wound is inflicted on the reader.

I am most definitely guilty of this.

In an attempt not to respond in anger, rather than expressing that I have taken offence I bottle it up inside and then let it burst out like an explosion when least expected. In-between the offence and the explosion every tiny irritation just builds the wall and the tension behind it.(as I mentioned in a private email a few weeks ago) The trigger of the explosion needs be something minor apparently according to C.G. Jung this not uncommon.

Both of these came together about a month ago. I made a rather rash judgement on introverts basically to the effect that introverts would benefit from more personal interactions and that although they feel that their friendships are of higher quality than their extroverted acquaintances this isn’t always the case (I paraphrased because I deleted the posting after it became obvious that it was offensive to some, and to some degree on the advice of a very intelligent relative)

After reading extensively on Jung’s Personality types and the traits he coined as introversion and extroversion, I realised that in disrespecting introverts I was also disrespecting myself to a degree, as we are all introverts and extroverts in different ways and in different times in our lives.

That said both introverts and extroverts are capable of having quality and deep intimate friendships (so says Jung Briggs-Myers and others)

I also talked to a few of my usual mentors who gave me some good advice, mostly around cooling off and not overreacting to not entirely clear perceptions.

So like I do when ever I am hurt I retreated from both the debate and the person whom I offended and responded with something I too found offensive (see sentence of quality of friendships above)

I actually created another Blog to directly address this. It turned out to be a very interesting study in psychology. That said I didn’t advertise the Blog so I could use it as a learning tool and later possibly as a means to explain my own personality. However I think that I left the door open and the very person whom I didn’t want to walk in did. Which likely caused this person some discomfort. (a stat counter can be useful, and tell you more than you wanted to know)

It is important to note without giving away details that the person whom I offended and in turn offended me (not her fault) has a longstanding relationship with me outside of Cyberspace, and that is why this apology is very seriously given.

I’m sorry I did not intend in any way to offend you (Mary P) or your partner !

As I am sure you did not intend to return the favour.

Enough said again I hope. That is not to say that the party offended does not have the right to say that I took way too long to apologize completely.

However I will be completing the Personal Blog I created at sometime as I think that it would be useful to express some feelings to my friends and family that I do have a tendency to repress.

And to alleviate your concerns – No I am not having some form of mental break down, I suspect that over this you may have learned that I am more emotional than you thought.

A crime I most honestly admit to.

As for the rest of you that are reading this and going “HUH what was that all about” this is the reason my postings have been sparse for some time I have as you have seen had things to think about.


6 thoughts on “A Very Tardy Public Apology

  1. I wasn’t actually clear on why I was inturn offended. Although the intent was not there I interpreted the response to my criticism of introversion as retailation, as it was said that what I would label as a quality interaction was “just approaching a quality interaction”.

    Thus all my freinds were little more than superficial.

    That said it was really noted that the introvert would think this way, and the last sentence was my interpretation and not Mary’s intent.

    Yes I do have a tendancy to be confusing but I think Mary P understands what I am getting at or at least I hope so.

    Again My apologies.

  2. Bill:

    I don’t think you should remove the post from your blog, if that’s what you’re suggesting. I think you should let it stand, including Mary P.’s comment.

  3. Okay I agree it does end this episode on a positive note. My only concern was to remove more details than needed to be there. That said Mary may want to edit paragraph # 5 of her response for that self same reason.

    Happy thanks giving folks !

  4. (This is the identical post to the one I just removed, except I’d forgotten to edit out real names.)

    This was a good first step, Bill. Thank you.

    Just as a reminder, here’s the first step I took on September 19:

    Dear Bill;

    It is very clear that you are feeling very badly about the exchanges we’ve had in our various blogs. This surprises me, as the only negative one I am aware of is the introvert-extrovert one.

    I certainly did not mean to hurt your feelings. You did not mean to hurt mine, though you did. Your response to my hurt feelings was to say:

    “I didn’t apologize to [Mary P] because I did not intend to offend her. If she is waiting for an apology fine I’m Sorry.”

    I could respond in just that way to you. “I didn’t intend to offend, so I don’t feel I owe an apology. But since you’re clearly expecting one, fine I’m sorry.”

    Not very satisfactory, really, is it?

    Let’s try it a better way. [We’ve known each other for years.] Of course I care for you, and I would never knowingly set out to hurt your feelings. That you have been hurt is evident, and I truly regret this.

    I wonder if there are more things being worked out inside you than you are yet aware of. I think this is probably a multi-layered thing, and that [Q] and I are only part of it. But it’s your innards, not mine, and it’s you who will do the exploration and sort it out.

    Anything I may have done to increase your unhappiness, I truly regret.

    I hope you sort this out; if there is something I need to apologize for, let me know specifically what it is, and I will respond respectfully.

    Take care,

    While I appreciate your decision to apologize publicly to a public offense, I think it’s time we took this conversation out of the public sphere, and conclude our conversation privately, without the invisible audience.

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