So you want to be a Speechwriter?


Rick Mercer’s Blog: So you want to be a Speechwriter?

News from the blog of Rick Mercer, yup, THE RICK MERCER formally of This Hour has 22 Minutes:

The Prime Minister, Paul Martin, is looking for a new speech writer. Every Canadian should be jumping up and down at this possibility of being given the chance to make Canadian history.

“Make Canadian history?” You ask, inquire, pester, etc. “YES MAKE CANADIAN HISTORY!” I reply with a infomercial tone to my voice.

“How can I do that?” you inquire, pester, ask, etc.

“Easy!” I reply. You become the speechwriter for the Prime Minister. The Prime Minister is basically the big person on the block in Canadian politics. You, once assuming the job as speechwriter for the Prime Minister, can make Paul Martin look good and find his own legacy. Paul Martin would appreciate if you could make sure his legacy did not include passing envelopes of money around shady Montreal Diners in the name of Quebec advertising contracts (a whole other blog posting would be needed on this very topic).

Back to the job possibilities in making Canadian history. Recently, as Rick Mercer pointed out, a poll showed that 52 per cent of respondents believev the Prime Minister should be immediately replaced as leader of the Liberal Party. So really giving Martin a legacy is not really an option because of the short time he is likely to be in power (and thus your butt in the cushy job of speechwriter is probably only a temporary position).

So, since this job is not likely to last that long, why not have some fun and get paid for it anyway? No, you are not an MP (get it? get paid to have fun?…eesh…tough crowd). So you could easily make Paul Martin look like a doofus or an idiot with speeches like: “Dear Canadians, the time has come for this great country to attack the United States!” “Pull on your Sorels and hop on your dog sleds and head for the border!” Well, at least if you were the speech writer, you might have some employment with the Conservative Party.

The Conservative Party? They are also looking for an experienced speech writer because the current speech writers and cast of characters only know how to make themselves look like “doofusie” (is there a plurral for the word “doofus?”). Think about it, the possibilities are endless!

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2 thoughts on “So you want to be a Speechwriter?

  1. Oh my God what a job. How to make this doofus look intelligent.

    “Hello I am the man that single handedly destroyed the Canadian Liberal Party. Oh sorry I shouldn’t say single handedly, In truth I had lots of help. I would really like to thank Mr Chretien. Its too bad Mr Trudeau isn’t here to tell me how I have ruined the party he made great.”

    You should have titled this piece the hardest job in Ottawa.

  2. Sorry that last comment was way to quick coming out.

    In truth I don’t see Mr Martin as a doofus, I just think there are indicators that might make one think he was one.

    I do think however you would have to be a masterful spin doctor to keep up with the man.

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